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美国总统做过的十大恶作剧(上)

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We've all seen the "before" and "after" pictures of presidents, and we know how stressful the job is. It takes a certain kind of stern, driven person to become head reptilian overlord (or "president," to the uninformed). But behind the wrinkled facade there sometimes lies a heart made of whoopee cushions. It turns out US presidents loved pranks as much as anybody.

我们几乎都见过总统上任之前和卸任之后的照片,对比之中就很容易发现总统是一份很有压力的工作,意志坚定精力充沛的人才能胜任。其实脸上长满皱纹的总统有时候隐藏着一颗逗比的心,以下排行榜展示了美国总统和普通人一样爱搞恶作剧。

nhower Thought Potentially Starting A War Was Hilarious

10.放假消息偷着乐的艾森豪威尔

美国总统做过的十大恶作剧(上)

Eisenhower was a serious man. He planned D-Day and warned us of the military-industrial complex. But he also had a great sense of humor, which almost ruined his career. During his first major assignment taking a caravan from coast to coast along the highways, he decided to pull a prank on the junior officers—"easterners," as he called them. The plan was for them to be given "a taste of the authentic West."

一向严肃的艾森豪威尔曾指挥诺曼底登陆并且提醒人们警惕军工复合体。他也有很强的幽默感,但这差点毁了他的事业。有一次他开着敞篷车沿着高速公路去一个又一个海岸视察工作时,突然想去戏弄一下来自东部被他称作东方人的下级官员,让他们知道来自西部德克萨斯州的他的厉害。

Eisenhower and his close friend Sereno Brett planned and launched a fake "Indian attack" in Wyoming. He staged a fake argument about the trouble in the area (an area actually known for attacks), put blanks in the guns, handed them to the men, and then sneaked out during the night to shout war cries and stage false fronts. They only considered their prank a success once they got the sentry on duty to fire the shotgun at them, which they found endlessly hilarious. In the morning, the shaken-up young soldier almost sent a report requesting reinforcements, but Eisenhower stopped him before he could do so.

艾森豪威尔和他的好朋友塞雷纳·布雷特在怀俄明州散布印度将要袭击美国的假消息。他在一个地区发表了一些关于这次袭击的危言耸听的言论(这个地区的人实际都知道这次袭击是假的),逮捕黑人并交给警察,然后晚上偷偷摸摸地到前线放出枪声。当士兵循着枪声赶来时,他跟布雷特内心阵阵窃喜,觉得这次恶作剧很成功。第二天早上,恐慌的年轻士兵便发电报请求兵力支援,本能阻止的艾森豪威尔却并没有这样做。

ew Jackson Was A Bit Of A Brute

9.缺心眼的安德鲁·杰克森

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Andrew Jackson's pranks were a little isticated than those of the other presidents. Early in his law career, Jackson attended a pleasant dinner at a local tavern. As a joke, he broke all the plates, shattered the glasses, split the table in two, and then lit it all on fire. Funny! Another time, he put a bit more thought into his joke. When Jackson was a young man, he was tasked with organizing a Christmas party. It was supposed to be an elegant affair, but the future president decided to invite the local prostitutes. Jackson found it hilarious, but the elite were incredibly offended, while the prostitutes were humiliated. Jackson ultimately apologized for his insensitive joke.

安德鲁·杰克森的恶作剧比起其他总统的似乎有点弱智。在他法律行业的早期,他在一个小酒馆参加了一个令人愉快的晚宴。他开玩笑地砸烂了所有的碗碟和玻璃,把桌子椅子一摔两半然后一把火给烧了。更有意思的是,在又一次的晚会中,他在他的玩笑中加入了更多新奇的主意。当时还很年轻的杰克森被派去组织圣诞节这样一个正式的晚宴,然而这位未来的总统却决定邀请当地的妓女。刚开始他以为会很好玩,但是当妓女们都一致认为他是在羞辱她们时,他才真正地明白了,最后为他不经大脑思考的玩笑道歉。

Perhaps emblematic of his personality is the fact that he was not able to take a joke. After a duel, he was once jokingly presented with a slab of bacon—a reference to Jackson's reliance on Matthew Bacon's Abridgement of the Law. Jackson didn't get the joke and stared his opponent into icy submission.

也许他的性格本身就不适合开玩笑。在一次决斗后,他带着一片培根出席——暗指他所依赖的"马修·培根缩减法"。然而决斗中他并未开玩笑只是两眼盯着他的对手,最后他的对手不战而屈。

ge H. W. Bush Impersonated An Attorney General

8.假冒辩护律师的老布什

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George H. W. Bush has spent his later years as an extreme skydiver, and his hobbies now also include mail fraud and impersonating a public official to prank his wife. Mrs. Bush found some dirty pictures on her computer due to one of her grandchildren looking at pornography. She was very upset, and when the former president found out about it, he decided to do something. That "something," however, was not trying to find the actual culprit but to deceive his wife into thinking she was in trouble for searching obscene images.

老布什把他的后半生花在了极限跳伞运动上,他不仅喜欢当邮局骗子,还喜欢假冒官员戏耍他的妻子芭芭拉·布什。老布什在芭芭拉的电脑上发现了一些不堪入目的照片,这是孙子借她的电脑看色情照片时留下的。芭芭拉对此一直很困扰 ,老布什知道后决定做点什么。不过搞笑的是,老布什不去抓事情元凶而是去骗芭芭拉让她在色情照片问题上知难而退。

Bush used official stationary from the state of Maine and wrote a letter to his wife as the Attorney General of Maine that read: "It has come to our attention that you have been using your computer to go on porn websites." Bush then took it to the post office so it would be mailed with the correct postage and had his wife open it in front of everyone. She was not amused.

老布什用缅因州的官方形式假冒代理辩护律师给芭芭拉写了一封信,信中这样写道:您一直用电脑登陆黄色网站,这已引起我们的注意。然后老布什跑到邮局把这封信寄给芭芭拉,并让她当众打开这封信。很显然,芭芭拉一点都不觉得好笑。

ton Trashed The White House

7.毁坏白宫的克林顿

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The Clinton administration decided to play some fraternity-style pranks on the new Bush administration. They essentially destroyed the White House. Staffers, with the apparent consent of the President (when pressed, several Clinton administration officials confirmed they had played the pranks), ripped phone cords from the walls, left obscene voice mails, covered the desks in glue, and stole antiques.

克林顿的管理人员决定捉弄一下兄弟般的原先老布什在任时的管理人员,他们基本毁坏白宫。他们在得到克林顿的明确赞同后行动起来,扯断了电话线,在语音信箱里留下色情录音,把所有桌子涂成蓝色,偷走古董等。

Some of the pranks were actually quite funny, like when someone stole every letter "W" from the computer keyboards. Others were a lot less good-natured and actually quite bitter. Notes were affixed to cabinets that read "GET OUT" or "Hail to the Thief," and stickers were put up displaying tasteful portraits of George Bush as a monkey. All-in-all, they did about $15,000 worth of Clintons tried to defend themselves by saying all presidents played outgoing transition pranks. They cited Bush-Quayle bumper stickers they had found stuck to desks in 1993 as evidence. Eventually, they caved and admitted their mistakes, going so far as to call Dick Cheney and apologize.

其中有些恶作剧非常好笑—他们偷走每一台电脑键盘上的W字母按键。而其他的一些就显得就有点粗暴—他们在橱柜上贴上带有"滚蛋"和"欢迎小偷光顾"的便条,并且把一些老布什雅致的肖像画搞成猴子一样来展示。最后,他们损坏了价值总计15000美金的物品。事后,克林顿和管理人员说总统们都应该对恶作剧抱以开明的态度,然后又举例说他们1993年发现老布什的保险杠上的贴纸都在桌子上粘着,其实一切都是为了逃避责任。最终,他们不得不承认自己的错误,向迪克·切尼打电话道歉。

on B. Johnson's "Drowning" Car

6.水中开车的林顿·贝恩斯·约翰逊

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Lyndon B. Johnson probably pulled the most stunts of anyone on this list, and he most definitely pulled off the most provocative ones. Johnson was a complicated and troubled man. There is evidence he may have had some sexual issues, namely he loved to show off his penis. He would pee in the washbasin and wave his little Johnson at the women of the White House while exclaiming, "Jumbo had a real workout tonight."

林顿·贝恩斯·约翰逊大概是榜单里最炫酷的一位,同时他也是一个矛盾复杂的多面体。有一些证据显示他在性方面有点古怪—比如他喜欢秀他的阴茎。他常常在脸盆里小便,喜欢在白宫女人面前秀他的小鸡鸡,并且大叫"今晚要进行航空演练"!

Despite this sexually aggressive behavior, Johnson did have one trick up his sleeve that was quite hilarious. It was a routine practical joke he would play on unsuspecting visitors to his ranch in Texas. He would retreat to his ranch for rest and relaxation when he needed to escape the pressure of being president. However, his idea of relaxation included terrifying other people. During nice summer days, Johnson would take his friends and family for nice little tours around the property in a blue convertible. But as soon as he reached the steep incline that led to the lake, he'd begin to freak out and scream, "The brakes don't work! The brakes won't hold!" as they rushed faster and faster to a liquid death. People would scream and try to jump out of the car, but to no avail. The president would let the car crash into the water only to start howling with laughter as it began to cruise along again. See, the president apparently was friends with James Bond's R&D department and had an "Amphicar," a car that could turn into a speedboat. He loved to share it with people, so long as those people got thoroughly terrified first.

除了这些肆意的性行为,他更有令人发笑的捉弄人的高招。在一次参观他位于德克萨斯州的农场的活动中,例行公事的他在百般无聊中突然想出一个坏主意。为了缓解工作压力来农庄休闲的他现在一肚子坏水,想要吓唬一下别人。在美好的夏日中,约翰逊带着他的朋友家人开着蓝色敞篷车在农场周边游玩。当他将要开过位于湖边的陡坡时,突然兴奋起来,大叫"刹车坏了,控制不住了!"于是车越开越快,一头冲进了湖里。车上的人惊慌失措,纷纷努力逃离车子,但是都无济于事。而约翰逊却一脸得意,大笑起来,不慌不忙地继续开车,原来跟詹姆斯·邦德的研究与发展部关系密切的他在那里搞了一辆在水里好似游艇的水陆两用车。然后他笑嘻嘻地跟人们分享这件事,不过这些人好像还都没从刚才的惊吓中缓过劲来。

翻译:Time 来源:前十网