时尚双语:十种方法 教你维系远距离恋爱

A long distance relationship is a trial of patience for two people in love. I've had my share of them due to my job commitments and at this stage in time, university degree requirement. In this article I will share several ideas on ways to not only sustain a pre-existing relationship but also develop it further.

I am assuming that you.two have already been in a relationship for a reasonable amount of time. Your time together is precious and sacred and both of you appreciate the fact that among thousands of people out there, the two of you chose to be together. I assume here that there are no lies, that both are committed to the relationship.

Truth is, your biggest enemy is time. But at the same time, time squandered is a waste. For example, you spend all your life pining away for your partner hundreds or thousands of miles away when the thing that needs doing - your job, your degree, your life - is put on hold. Stop. You might say, "Well, its all part of the fun isn't it? Staying up late, listening to silly soppy songs on radio, re-reading old letters. Where's the harm in that?" Frankly, ma'am, a little is alright but a lot is way out of context.

Balance is the key to maintaining sanity in a long distance relationship. True, you may love him/her. But if you spend all your time focusing on how much you miss him/her, it will affect your moods and just make you a duller person.

On with the list of of Ten Ideas to Sustain A Long Distance Relationship

Have DVD Fridays/Weekends
The idea is that even though you're apart, it wouldn't hurt to synchronize watching a movie rental together. At least, after the movie, you can have a chat about the movie. Whether you liked it or not, or whether you identified with this or that character. At the very least, it's a conversation topic.

Work on a Common Project.
A friend of mine works in Beijing while his wife is in the US. They're engaged and working hard towards securing their future. They've just bought a home and are thinking of decorating it. Other than actually buying stuff and shipping it home (which can be extremely expensive!), whip out that Cameraphone, snap pics, put a price to it and post it on Flickr or set up a blog. Now both of you are engaged in the search of fantasy furniture pieces!

Share the Same Dream
My gay friend and his partner are fitness buffs. They had this crazy idea of doing the 100km marathon. The thing is, one of them's going away to the States for his studies and will periodically at the end of the year for his winter break. So I told them, why not train separately, but aim for a common end point. End of the year come back and race together. How about keeping a couple's training journal?

Skype & MSN
The key ingredient for any great relationship is COMMUNICATION. Instantaneous if possible, delayed at best. Skype offers anybody with a fast broadband connection and decent CPU processor speed the opportunity to call anybody on the internet for FREE. If you can't talk, use MSN messenger or any dozens of competing Instant Messaging services to keep in touch and focused. There's now no excuse to communicate if calls are FREE and messages are Instantaneous!

Stay Grounded and Focused
I can't emphasize this enough. Most people who arrive in a new city suddenly find themselves surrounded by new things to do, new people to meet etc. With that comes the temptation to try something new. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, or so they tell me. RESIST. Tell yourself, that you are in a perfectly good relationship and that you shouldn't put yourself in a compromising position. Life shouldn't be an episode of "Sex in the City". That kind of life leaves you depleted and hollow. Before one of you leave, get a set of commitment rings/studs/bracelet - anything. It doesn't have to be flashy but it is a token, a reminder that you carry in your heart, his/her heart. Mean it when you give it to him/her.

Remember Your Anniversaries and Firsts
Neglect it at your cost, but if you forget an anniversary, woe betide you... Write it down, print it out, tattoo it onto your brain, but make sure you remember your anniversaries and birthdays. Why? Well, with a little planning, that event can become focal points for the year. Something to look forward to. You could even surprise him/her with gifts sent by post. has lots of stuff on offer, so make full use of it. Everyone loves getting something special in the mail.

Keep A Journal
What doesn't get written down, will not be remembered. You're both young, enterprising adults with lives of your own. Keep track of your thoughts and emotional development. Keep track of your dreams and hopes. Doodle, scribble, inscribe your memory in a special way so that you may share it. The point is that sometimes Life moves so fast, you forget who you were or why you are with the person. A journal acts as a reminder.

Pay Attention To Each Other's Needs For Sleep
Difference in time zone, jet lag, lack of morning coffee - are frequently cited reasons as to why you're especially grouchy. Both partners need to be mindful that people get tired and need rest. When you agree to communicate choose a reasonable timing. Something that you're both comfortable with. 8pm in Hong Kong is 12pm in Britain. That's reasonable. When I was 8 hours ahead of my girl when she was visiting her family in UK, I came up with a table to remind myself of the time in UK, each time she logged on. I shared this with her and as much as possible we talked only when it was reasonable for us to do so.

Use GoogleMaps To Visualize The Space Between You
It's a fun exercise to help crystallize the distance that separates the two of you. Go to GoogleMaps type in your address and then type in your partner's address. Create a composite map of how you'll be getting home if you were to walk the entire distance using satellite photos.

Finally, Trust
The most important thing in a relationship is Trust. Trust that your partner will do the right thing. Trust that you will do the right thing. Be aware that pitfalls await for any couple, and that he/she can cheat at any point in time and space because, really at the end of the day, its their choice. What we can do as partners of lovers who are abroad is be the best person
that we can be.

I hope this write up will be of use to all lovers out there living under the tyranny of distance. Trust me on this, LDRs are worth having. There's an old adage that goes, "Absence only makes the heart grow fonder" and the old-fuddy-duddy in me wants to believe in that. Till next time!

远距离恋爱对于相爱的两人来说是一种考验。我对此颇有所感，是因为我的工作承诺以及我这一阶段需要获得的大学学位使我踏入了远距离恋爱的行列。在以下文字中，我将与大家分享一些方法，教你如何不仅维系好已经存在的恋爱关系，更能够使之很好地发展下去。

假定你们俩已经在一起有一段时间了，那些时间对你们来说一定是珍贵而又神圣的。你们都感激上帝让你们在芸芸众生中选择与对方在一起。假定你们之间没有谎言，彼此都忠于这份感情。

那么，事实上，你们最大的敌人会是时间。但是，同时，花大量的过多的时间却也是一种铺张浪费。比如说，你把所有的精力花在为你那几百或者几千英里外的另一半而憔悴消瘦，这种时候，你正把需要做的工作，你需要完成的学业甚至你自己的生活搁置一边。“嘿！等等！”你会说，“呃，但是这正是乐趣所在，不是吗？熬夜，聆听收音机里传来的痴情的歌曲，重读旧情书，这又有何害处呢？”坦白地说，小姐，难得几次是可以的，但是，过分多地这样子做就有问题了。

找到平衡点是一段远距离恋爱稳步发展的关键所在。是的，你爱他或她。但是如果你把你所有的时间花在计算你有多想他或者她的话，那将影响你的情绪，也将让你变得更加无趣。

下面让我们开始看看这十种维系远距离恋爱的方法吧。

1. 在周五或者周末一起看DVD
即使你们分隔两地，仍旧可以在同一时间看同一部租来的电影。至少，在看完以后，你们两个能够聊一些关于这电影的东西。无论你喜欢与否，无论你如何给各个不同角色定位，说到底，这也是个聊天的话题。

2. 共同完成一个计划
我的一个朋友在北京工作，而他的妻子生活在美国。他们定了婚，并且都在为拥有共同的美好未来而努力工作。他们刚买了一所住宅，而且正在想如何来装潢它。并非真的把各种各样的材料家具搬回家(这样子可贵着呢)，他们拿出带摄像头的手机，卡嚓卡嚓地拍下照片，为它们标价，再把这些照片贴到网络相册Flickr上，或者建立一个博客，把它们贴在博客上。这下，你们两个就都会忙于寻觅梦想中的家具了。

3. 拥有共同的梦想
我的一个同性恋朋友和他的另一半都是健身爱好者。他们有想要跑上100公里马拉松的疯狂的念头。问题是，他们中的一个人要远赴美国进修学业，而且要到今年年底才有寒假能够回来。于是，我问他们，何不拥有一致的目标但是分开训练呢？然后到今年年底等他们之中的一个人会来后再一起跑步，我还建议他们写下他们一起的训练日记。

4. 要常用Skype（网络语音通讯软件）和MSN
沟通是建立任何保持良好关系的恋情的关键。只要条件允许就应该立即和你的爱人沟通，如果没有时间，最多也只能稍微拖一拖。Skype提供了快捷的宽带连接以及良好的中央处理器，使人们能够更快地在因特网上与任何人通话，而且还是免费的。如果你不能进行语音聊天，那么你该用MSN或者几十种相互竞争的即时聊天工具中的一种来与你的爱人保持联系，并且时刻关注着他/她。既然现在的通话无需付费，而且聊天工具又使对话如此即时，还有什么借口来对沟通说不呢？

5. 脚踏实地、一心一意地恋爱
我不需要再强调这一点的重要性了。大多数刚抵达一个新城市的人会突然发现他们的周围都是新的事情、新的人。这会诱惑人，让人会有尝试新鲜事物的想法。“这山望着那山高”，人们差不多是这样解释给我听的。要抵制住啊！你要告诉你自己，你正处在一份完美的恋情中，也不应该让自己陷入不好的处境。生活不该像《欲望都市》中的某一段情节，因为那种生活会使你渐渐耗尽精力并且变得空虚。在你们要分开之前，留一些信物，比如说戒指、耳钉、项链，什么都可以。不用太华丽的东西，只是一种象征和一种暗示，代表了你把他或她的心放在了你的心里。当你给他或她的时候，把它的意义告诉你的另一半。

6. 记住你们的纪念日和那些“第一次”
忽视这一点，你将会吃苦头，而如果你忘记某一个纪念日，那你就惨了…… 你应该把纪念日都写下来，打印出来，把它们深深刻在你的脑海里，但同时，你也要记得你自己在意的那些纪念日和你自己的生日。为什么要这么做呢？呃，其实为那天计划一下，纪念日就会变成一年中你们最关注的日子，因为它成为了令你们期待的东西。你甚至可以通过邮寄送给他/她礼物，给他/她一个惊喜。亿贝网会提供许多商品，你该好好利用它。任何人都喜欢收到邮寄来的特殊的东西哦。

7. 不要忘记写日记
没有被写下来的东西，是不能被铭记于心的。你们都是年轻的、有事业心的人，各自有自己的生活。你们得为你们的思想和情感变化作下记录，得使你们的梦想和希望留下痕迹。你可以进行涂鸦，也可以随便写写，把你们的回忆用特殊的方式记录下来，这样你们就能分享这些东西。关键在于，年华似水，有时候你会忘记你曾经是怎么样的，或者为何你和眼前人在一起，日记能帮助你、提醒你。

8. 关心彼此的睡眠需要
时区的不同、时差、或者没有早茶，这些都是经常会引起你特别不高兴的原因。但是，恋情的双方都不能忘记，人是会累的，也是需要休息的。当你们选择聊天时间的时候，应该选一个合理的能让你们都觉得舒服的时间，比如说，香港时间晚上8点是英国时间中午12点，这就很适宜。当我处在比我女朋友早8个小时时区的时候，她正在香港和她的家人在一起。每当她登陆到因特网上，我会拿出一张表来提醒自己香港的当地时间。我把我这样的做法和她一起分享，而且我们只有在对我们彼此来说都合适的时间里聊天。

9. 用谷歌地图来想象下你和他/她之间的距离
明确你们之间的距离是一件很有趣的事情。打开谷歌地图，输入你的地址，然后输入你的另一半的地址。创建一张合成地图来看看如果你打算用卫星地图从他/她那儿走回家要怎么走。

10. 最后，也就是信任彼此
一段恋情中最重要的事情是信任对方。要相信你的爱人所做的是对的，也要相信你所做的是对的。你要认识到，每一对恋人都可能遇到意想不到的问题或困难，他或者她可以在任何时间、任何地方说谎，因为说到底那是他们的选择。我们所能做的就是尽可能地做一个在远方的最好的我们自己。
我希望这些文字将对被距离阻隔的恋人们有所帮助。相信我，长距离的恋爱是值得拥有的。俗话说，“距离产生美”，而守旧的我也相信这个。下次再继续我们的话题咯！