和男性约会前必须了解的十件事(下)

are His Physical Expectations?

5.双方生理期望值是多少？

If you.can figure out what a guy's physical expectations are early on, you can save yourself from a lot of confusion and embarrassment later. Everyone has a different mindset and comfort level in terms of how fast a relationship should move physically. If you are a gal who plans to wait until marriage to give yourself to a man, then you might not be compatible with a guy who sees sex as an important part of getting to know someone. Similarly, if one of you is ready to have sex after the first date and the other won't be ready until they are in love, then the situation could get awkward.

如果能尽早了解到双方对交往后发生性关系是什么态度，或许就能避免日后接触带来的麻烦和问题，每个人观念、思维方式不尽相同，对一段感情发展到何种地步可以有肌肤之亲的界定也有所差异。一些人认为了解彼此身体对促进彼此关系十分必要，那么对于一定要等到结婚才能同床共枕，相对保守的女性来说，这类人就应该从适婚名单上抹去了。与之类似的，一些人第一次约会就想把对方带回家过夜，而对方如果认为对方太急躁、居心不轨，必须先有爱再有性，那么接下来的交往可想而知了。

Find out what a guy's physical expectations are, and relate your own as well. If you are both on the same page and know where each other stands, then you can avoid a situation where one party is putting themselves out there only to be rejected. While it is not a good feeling to be rejected, it's equally uncomfortable being the one doing the rejecting. It's a delicate balancing act turning someone away while still ensuring them that you do like them and find them desirable. By negotiating boundaries early on, you can tackle the issue before it becomes a problem. A Business Insider Poll asked 1,660 single American men and women about their views on sex and dating. One of their questions asked, "How many dates do you need to wait before you sleep with someone?" Perhaps not surprisingly, men overwhelmingly responded with fewer dates than women did. Since there is such an obvious discrepancy between expectations, learning them early on is important.

了解对方的生理期望值、对性的态度，看看两人是否观念一致。如果两个人步调一致，都很清楚对方的需求，那么当其中一人提出性需求时往往可以从恋人那里得到满足。事实上，不仅被拒绝是件鼻子碰灰的事儿，同时拒绝的人心里也不舒坦。在恋爱关系中，性的发展十分脆弱而又微妙，双方要拿捏好分寸，在表达浓浓爱意的同时又能满足性需求。一段关系最好在发展之初就了解清楚各自对身体接触、性需求的接纳程度，防危机于未然最好。美国一家机构曾做过一次内部调查，就性和恋爱的问题采访了1660位单身男女，其中一个问题是约会多少次后和对方上床才比较合适？数据统计结果和人们的预想差不多，男性认定的次数全部高于女性给出的答案。由此可见，男女之间对性、恋爱的看法存在很大差异。相比其他方面如爱好、朋友圈，及早了解性尤为重要啊！

Kind of Future does He Want?

4.他想要什么样的未来

If you are going to spend your time dating someone, you should know what the desired outcome is. If you are only interested in a summer fling, this may not be important. But if you are interested in finding someone to spend your life with, then it's important to know what that life would look like down the line. The first step is to have a clear understanding of what kind of future you want for yourself. Then you can learn what he wants and see if the two align.

在你想要和一个人约会前，首先应该明白你想要一个什么样的结局。如果你只是想要一种消遣，那么这一点可以忽略。但如果你想要与一个人白头偕老，那么了解彼此以后的生活轨迹就是非常重要。首先你要对自己想要的未来有一个清楚地认知，然后就可以了解他的想法，接下来再考虑你们的未来是否相契合。

Find out what kind of future your guy wants. Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship, or does he enjoy casual dating? Does he ever see himself getting married, or is he afraid of making a commitment like that? If you have been dreaming about your wedding since you were a little girl, you likely won't be happy dating someone who never wants to be married. Find out what he wants out of his life. Does he desire a fast-tracked career where he will work tirelessly to climb up the corporate ranks? Does he gauge his success by how much money he makes or how many things he owns? If his life's focus will be on his career and not his family, then he may not be the ideal match for you. Or perhaps you've found a guy who can't wait to get married and start a family. Maybe he grew up with 10 siblings and wants to raise a family just as large. If that's not something that is in the cards for you, then it's best to find out early.

要了解他想要什么样的未来。他是专一而执着，抑或仅是一时兴起。他会考虑与你结婚，还是会刻意逃避这样的话题。如果你在少女时就怀着择一人终老的美好愿望，那么当你与一个只是一时兴起的人相爱，就不会快乐。要了解他在生活之外的想法。他是不是一个事业心强的人？想要通过自己不断努力获得快速晋升的机会？他是根据什么来衡量自己的成功的，是赚钱的多少还是拥有的多少？如果他的生活重心在事业而不是家庭，那么他可能并不是一个好的配偶。可能你找到的是一个并不想跟你结婚组建家庭的男人，可能他是一个在大家庭长大的孩子，因此他希望自己也能有很多的孩子，也能组建一个大家庭。如果这些并不是你想要的，那么你一定要及时止损。

are the People He Surrounds Himself With?

3.他周围是一些什么样的人

Oftentimes, you can tell the most about a person by the company he keeps. The type of friends that your guy hangs with can give you a ton of insight into the type of person he is. Most people have a few close friends who each serve different purposes in their life.

通常你可以通过他的朋友了解到这是一个什么样的人。他朋友的类型一般可以反映出他的性格。大部分人会有一些很亲密的朋友，这些朋友在他们生活都扮演着重要角色。

For instance, he may always go to one particular friend when he needs advice. Figure out whatever you can about their relationship to find out why. Is this friend mature and wise and capable of dishing out practical advice? Are they a simply a good listener who lets him talk it out and figure out the answer on his own? Do they give advice in a tough-love fashion, or do they coddle and indulge? In this way, you can learn what type of person he values and trusts. Similarly, learn what you can about the friends he hangs out with most, and look for what attracts him to them. Does he love the familiarity and comfort of friends he's had since elementary school? Does he hang out with energetic people who are the life of the party? Are his friends intellectuals who love nothing more than debating the latest in politics or art? Are his friends witty and funny, constantly cracking jokes to keep everyone laughing? By finding out the type of company your guy keeps, you'll have a better understanding of what personality traits he values and what type of people he likes to be around. If you share some of these personality traits then you two are likely to hit it off too. And if you can see yourself being friends with his friends, then you are likely a great match.

比如，当他需要建议的时候会去一个特定的朋友那里寻求帮助。你要去思考他们之间是怎样的关系是。这是一个成熟，明智，能够提出很多建设性意见的朋友么？这些朋友是一个单纯的倾听者，能够让他倾诉并指出他自身的问题？他们是出于朋友的情谊给出逆耳忠言，还是单纯的溺爱和纵容？通过这样的方式，你就可以了解到他在乎和相信的是什么样的人。同祥地，你要了解经常与他一起的是什么样的人，从而了解什么样的人能够吸引他。他是喜欢能带给他熟悉感与舒适感的儿时朋友来往？还是会和喜欢派对上精力充沛的人来往？他的朋友是睿智的，喜欢谈论政治，艺术的人？还是诙谐幽默，能够带给大家快乐的人。通过了解他周围的朋友，你会对这个人有一个更深入的了解：他的个性是怎么样的？他喜欢和什么样的人交往？如果你们能够互相交流了解彼此的个性，那么你们就会变得更适合。如果你能把自己的性格修炼的和他周围的朋友一样，你将会是一个完美的恋人。

He have an Ex-Wife or Kids?

2.他有前妻或者孩子吗？

If a guy has an ex-wife, there might be a lot of baggage that comes along with it. It's important to know what type of relationship they currently have, especially if there are children involved. If he is able to co-parent with his ex in a healthy and constructive way, then it's a good clue that he is mature and good at handling conflict. If he turns red in the face and gets agitated at the mere mention of his ex-wife's name, then he may still be harboring a lot of anger and frustration which could spill over into your relationship.

如果他离过婚，那他应该还有不少上段婚姻遗留下来的负担。如果他们有孩子，他们当下的关系如何就显得尤其重要。若他能和前妻有个健康良好的关系一起抚养孩子，说明他成熟稳重，善于应对冲突。反之，若一提到他前妻他就激动的不行，气得脸红脖子粗，则说明他仍对这段婚姻憋着一肚子气，心里满是挫败感，那么他很有可能会将这些负面情绪一股脑宣泄到你们的恋情中。

If your guy does have children, and you love children, then it might be an advantage of dating him. Still, there is a lot that goes into dating a man with kids. If you always dreamed of experiencing the magic of a first pregnancy and first child with someone who was equally new to the process, then this might not be the perfect someone for you.

如果对方确实有孩子，而你又恰好喜欢小孩，说不定这会成为你的优势。不管怎么说，跟已经有孩子的男人在约会时会有很多顾虑。如果你一直以来憧憬跟某个人一起怀上并生养人生中第一个孩子，那么他也许并不是你的绝佳伴侣。

does He Handle his Money?

1.他是如何理财的？

Arguing about money is the top predictor of divorce, according to a researcher at Kansas State University. She found that those who argue about money early in their relationship were at a greater risk for divorce, regardless of the couples' income, debt or net worth. So before you start seriously dating a guy, it's important to know his views on finances and how he handles his money.

一位来自堪萨斯州立大学的研究人员表示，因钱财争吵是离婚最强烈的前兆。她发现，不管双方收入如何，有无负债，净资产多少，在婚姻早期就对钱财问题有过争吵的夫妻离婚率较高。因此，在你认真地跟男方约会前，很有必要了解下他对财富的看法，以及他是如何理财的。

Find out if your guys is a spender or a saver. Does he aspire to keep up with the Joneses, or is he content to live a more simple life. Is financial security important to him, or does he prefer to live in the moment rather than save for the future? Does he value the pursuit of wealth, or would he rather donate his money to charity? Also figure out what he tends to spend his money on, and see if it matches up with your spending style and goals. Would he rather spend his money on things or on experiences? For instance, if he received a bonus at work, would he rather buy an expensive watch or get tickets to the big game? Would he rather update his car with all the bells and whistles, or spend that money on a trip to Europe? Does he spend freely on smaller purchases like lattes, lunches and gifts, or does he pinch pennies and keep his wallet shut? If someone's spending habits don't match yours, you can expect a lot of arguments over money to pop up. Follow these tips and learn what you can about a guy before you start seriously dating, and you will have a better chance of success in the long term. By figuring out the answers to these questions, you can decide if someone is just a date or a true soul mate.

弄清他是月光族还是守财奴；是沉迷于与左邻右舍攀比，还是满足于相对简单的生活；经济保障于他是不是很重要，他是喜欢活在当下还是为未来攒钱？他是重视追求财富，还是情愿捐款给福利事业？与此同时，搞清楚他倾向于在哪方面花钱，其花钱风格及目的是否与自己相符。他是愿意将钱花在物质享受上还是丰富阅历上？比如说，如果他工作得到奖励，他会买块昂贵的手表还是会买一张体育赛事的高价入场券？是会为爱车更换安全带和喇叭，还是去欧洲旅游？对于生活中的小额花销，比如拿铁，午餐及小礼物，他是会爽快掏腰包还是会精打细算，一毛不拔？如果对方花钱习惯跟你不同，可以想象会出现多少金钱方面的争吵。根据这些提示及建议，学习在认真约会某人前，你需要了解到对方哪些信息，从长远看，你更有可能收获一段成功的恋情。弄清这些问题答案的同时，你可以确定下对方对于你来说只是一个约会对象，还是真正的灵魂伴侣。

审校：嘉珈 编辑：Freya然 来源：前十网